amandadixon's Xanga

Tired

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:33:57 GMT

Even after a 4 day weekend I am tired. Emotionally, physically....and every other way...

Today was back to work and I almost wish there hadn't been a long weekend. After lounging all weekend today was exhausting. The lab has been completely slammed with work and I feel like all I am doing is keeping it afloat. Final move is almost finished which is a FANTASTIC thing!

The week is sure to be busy plus I have started tutoring and will be tutoring 2 evenings this week. The girl is sweet but the hour extra in the car isn't exciting me.

Next weekend will be a rough one as saying goodbye is always rough. All I have to say is this is a fantastic way to end a crappy 2008. I shouldn't be so critical...negative..I am truly blessed by a job/career that is thriving rather than being threatened by layoffs/closures and I do have a roof over my head and I have my health. But there have definitely been valleys this year and I feel like I am facing another one. God has been preparing me for this this year. If this had happened last year at this time It would have been much harder but, it's still gonna be a rough one. Any and all prayers are appreciated.

anyway those are my only thoughts right now -- I am off to eat and hit the hay -- 5:30 will be here before we know it!

Saaaad News

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:58:38 GMT

I just found out this past week that my best friend is moving -- I am trying to be positive because I know this is a great opportunity for him and that this is what God wants. I can't help feeling like "what's next"...I am sooooo ready for 2008 to be over, it's been a rough year.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 01:23:56 GMT

I am really tired of change, I am really tired of being hurt -- those are my only real thoughts

misc thoughts

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:52:14 GMT

it's been a while since I last updated because well, I don't really have the energy or feel the need to. Work is exhausting, I think I am getting sick....but this weekend I am going out of town to abbysit at a Dude ranch for morgan and nathan and in 2 weeks I am going to Gatlinburg TN to the Great Smokey Mountains National part for a weekend of camping and fun. I really need the vacation!

Church is great although I feel like so many things get in the way of me actually getting there as often as I like.

Family is eh...typical of my family

Freinds....welll other than the girls at work and a few emails between caleb and I....I feel like I have none right now. Everyone has either A) moved away B) stabbed me in the back and ended the friendship or c) stopped speaking to me/returning emails for unknown reasons. These would include all my MoBap contacts. It's wierd to think of where I was a year a go. It's also heartbreaking to feel like all the friendships that you invested so much in are apparently worth nothing because people up and decide not to respond to your calls/emails.

Anyway done with the belly-aching

Other than the "relationship" area of my life things are going quite well. I have recently paid off some credit cards and will be paying off all my debt except car and school by Christmas time.

I am feeling much more comfortable in my job, knowing what needs to be done and not needing to be told. I also feel more valuable because I can pretty much can run things on my own.

My dog, Bella, is behaving better, AKA pottytraining! It's been hard and frustrating....it really is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

I've gotten to do more photography lately which I love and wish I could do more of.

and that's about it.

I gotta go do some laundry and pack ...ttyl!

Resolution

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 01:36:08 GMT

Fun thing #2

So I have been doing pretty well with my new resolution -- just not the posting part. July 26th

The Gateway Arch

Cost 10.00

http://www.gatewayarch.com/Arch/index.aspx

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:16:18 GMT

So life is just really crappy right now... I am really tired of getting close to people and then them either leaving the area or just plain stopping talkig/being friends. I feel alone and just don't understand what God is doing right now in my life. I just keep telling myself God sees the big picture and I do not but it does not ease the pain of long friendships ending (for seemingly no reason) and the "tug of war" I feel in other friendships.
It's been an extremely hard 2008. I was catching up with a friend the other day and was telling him all the things that have been going on. He looked at me and just said "Holy Crap Amanda -- that just sucks" and yes I agreed.

It stinks when people stab you in the back
It stinks when people who you worked so hard to serve and help won't speak to you other than asking for things
It stinks when people just stop talking to you for no reason
It stinks to sit alone in church
It stinks to be in a room full of people and feel completely alone
It stinks to make every effort in the world at a friendship yet it never work
It stinks when people give up and move away
It stinks to want something so bad and feel so far away from it
It stinks when people so young pass away
It stinks when people who should remember forget birthdays
It stinks when you have to confront friends about decisions they have made
It stinks to loose your very best animal friend
It stinks to not have goals/school to look forward to
It stinks to feel so discouraged...so alone...so lost

It's great to have a brother in law home from Iraq (even if it's for only 1 more week)
It's great to have a job you are content at
It's great to be blessed with a roof over my head and food in my stomach
It's great to be able to pay all the bills and still have a balance in the checking account
It's great to be a child of God!!
because even with the chips are down and even when things seem so crappy I can turn my eyes to the Lord and rest in Him because it may not chance my current circumstances but, He does not change because of what I am going through. My worship is not dependent on who I am but on who He is. He is unchanging.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:15:44 GMT

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:15:21 GMT

New Resolution

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:27:34 GMT

I have made a new resolution. To do at least one fun thing every week. I will feature my new adventures here.

Yesterday I went to Botanical gardens with Michelle, Magda and Kim....here are some pics (this counts for last week

www.mobot.com

Cost: $4

random guy looking at fish

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:21:59 GMT

I feel blah -- not sure why other than life....I just feel blah....

sometimes it's really hard to focus on the blessing of life when things seem so...well crappy.

Bro. Trent gave a message a couple weeks ago about David and Goliath (Giants seem to be s common thing lately at church....maybe God is trying to say something). During the message he reached to the back of the stage and lifted up a huge piece of PVC pipe. He told us he just happened to have it in his garage and guess what it was exactly the height that Goliath was (I think it was 9'9" -- it was over 9') it was an AMAZING visual...then he stretched it out like a wingspan...everyone was ducking as he twisted (did you know that your heght is the same as youe wingspan-- arms stretched out)...again...I never thought about it....then he proceede to read from the Bible and his main point was that we eed to focus on our God not our Giants as David did --- he focused on what his God could and would do rather than what the Giant could do.

I have been clinging to this in my life ever since that message.

It just seems I cannot get ahead -- Nothing seems to go easy...

That being said I know I am incredible blesses --- good/great job with great benifits, good health, fabulous church...and currently I am typing as I listen to two little kids playing...one of the best sounds in the world...

I know I should be happy with where God has placed me in my life but I cannot wait till I am hearing my children playing...it's very frustrating to know what you want to be yet feeling like you are so very dfar from even working toward that goal. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt God's purpose for my life is to be a wife and a mom, I just wish he could speed up that process a little....this current position is just about as frustrating as having no idea of what you want to do with your life....

as the lyrics of one of my favorite songs says....

Devil if you only knew what I was gonna be after the storm
You wouldn't have even bothered me
Yeah

(But now i'm) stronger
(And I got more) power
(I'm a little bit) wiser
(And I got more) strength
(I got thee) anointing
(Got God's) favor
(And we're still) standing
I want it all back

anyway these are my random thoughts for the eveing...in short...I feel blah...but God is Good!

oh and just so you know 4 yr old nathan just ran across the room...totally tripped and wiped out face first, looed up and said, "that was awesome" and 5 yr old morgan is singing the "mama mia" song from the recent muny comercial....I LOVE IT!